oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
