I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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