youre lurking in front of me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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