it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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