Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i think my mom watched the whole time
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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