i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
