Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
