dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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