After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
