someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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