i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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