i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
