She is in my trunk
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
