even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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