After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
