too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
