life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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