do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
