So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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