shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
