i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Two words: blizzard sex
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
