I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we're making bets on your personal life
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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