great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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