dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
