Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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