So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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