Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
