His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
