i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
