Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
