I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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