can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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