Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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