Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Did I show you my penis last night?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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