how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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