i wish my penis had a tongue
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I love having hate sex.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
