I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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