I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
