Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
