You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
