sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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