If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the condom got lost in my hair
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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