just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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