After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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