I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
