she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
