The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
