You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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