cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
if only i could text you this smell
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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