And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
