DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I love you.
Bad choice
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
