ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
