the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
